Long term solutions

Journeys

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To say that the collective journey we’re experiencing in 2020 has been interesting is an exercise in trying to find the perfect understatement.   Since I’ve had some self isolation time forced on me as a result of recent surgery, I’ve taken advantage of the chance to try to collect my thoughts and make sense of them.  I expect this posting to be just the first installment, if you’ll indulge me.

In the midst of the COVID-19 situation, my journey with Jake (my beloved black Lab) came to an end.  Keeping everything in perspective, I know that the losses suffered by far too many families since the beginning of the year are immeasurable and still too new.  Trust me, I know the feeling.  The loss of any family member, be it human, canine, feline, equine, etc., is something where we each have to find our own way in our journey through grief.  No two people are going to experience grief in the same way.  I won’t presume to think that my own grief experience is the way anyone else should experience grief.  In all honesty, I didn’t make the journey after the first step.  Because of my unique circumstances, I swept my grief aside and took care of other things that were and still are, so very important.  What’s interesting has been how Jake’s passing has forced my attention onto an area of my life that I can no longer keep swept under the rug.  It’s time now to return to where I stopped my grief journey and start moving forward again.  I have a close group of family and friends who will help me complete the journey properly this time.  I know that it’s okay to cry (they’ll have the tissues ready), it’s okay to be angry, and it’s even okay to share a few laughs.

I don’t know when or how the journey will end but it will.  I’m very confident of that.  I don’t want to miss out on a single moment of what’s ahead in my life’s journey.  I’m glad I’ve come to that realization, late though I may be.  What’s important is that we continue to put one foot in front of the other, figuratively link arms with those who are sharing their life journey with us, and keep moving on.

A Rite of Spring

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Here we are in another March and the annual “lose another hour of sleep” moment. Last Sunday, most of the country did that daylights savings time thing. I never fully understood it when I was younger and now that I live in a place that doesn’t spring ahead or fall back, I confess that I still don’t understand the concept. Exactly how many hours of daylight do we really need? Whatever did our ancestors do without this concept?
I prefer my favorite rite of spring – the start of MLB’s spring training. It started earlier this year and will end in just under two weeks. We’ve had to contend with rain, wind, chilly temps, and a few other odds and ends. But we know that we’re seeing players hone their skills for what they hope will be a successful season.
So why this focus? Because spring is a chance to reset or reboot if things aren’t going as well as we’d like. Every team in baseball right now is going into the season with hopes of a championship. For that one team, the glory will come with the last out of the World Series and they begin that glorious celebration of champions. That success will come from hard work – lots of it – and a dedication to the teamwork needed to get to that point.
And for Jake, it’s a time to spend sleeping on the deck, moving when the sun gets too warm, watching the bunnies run under the deck, and spending some quality time with Mom. For me to have this time with Jake – why, that even beats baseball as the best rite of spring.

A “No Resolutions” Zone

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It’s that time of year again when tradition has us thinking about resolutions for the New Year. The only problem is that the vast majority of resolutions go by the wayside well before the first month of the year is over. So this year, I’m going to try something new. No resolution, just an adjustment to my life philosophy.
* Leave the negative stuff and people behind. Although it sounds easy enough, this can be very difficult, especially if one of the negative people is a member of the family, a supposedly close friend, or even a colleague or co-worker. Usually people who harbor anger, envy, or dislike for some imaginary reason, none of which we can control, will have their words and deeds be a complete mismatch. In my experience, I got a polite greeting to my face, but behavior that tried to anger or humiliate me. That’s when I remembered that their anger, envy, and hatred are their issues, not mine. Life’s complicated enough. Let’s leave that drama behind.
* Learn something new. This can be as simple as reading a new book, trying a new recipe, learning to play a new song on whatever instrument we play, or taking up a new hobby and becoming decent at it. Today’s technology now makes this relatively easy.
* Keep it simple. Life can get way over the top in complicated, if we let it. I have a finite number of brain neurons left and I’m going to continue to use them wisely. Life’s too short for complicated.
* Love honestly and deeply.
* Laugh with someone, not at them.
* Continue to be kind.

And every once in a while, I’m going to stop what I’m doing, go sit on my deck with Jake, and watch the cloud parade go by. It’s the simple things that help recharge my motivation.

Happy New Year, folks!

Bad Optics

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When Kindness and Respect Really Matter

Any time anyone  is targeted for hate on social media and elsewhere, we all should realize that a hateful word is like throwing a pebble into a pool of water.  There are ripple effects that none of us can begin to imagine but which can lead to a devastating act by the targets of that hate, leaving family and friends to grapple with a tremendous burden of grief that lasts a lifetime.

Case in point: One kind person who has been targeted for hate comments is Jennie Kim of the group, “Black Pink.”  For those who’ve read our recent postings, you’ll recognize her name from our posting about the hatred that spewed forth because of her obvious struggle to deal with the panic of an apparently overwhelming crowd closing in on her, as seen in the published videos.  I’ve since learned that she has been targeted with some of the crudest expressions of hate for quite some time.

What’s troubling is that I could find no effort by anyone associated with her management company to speak up on Jennie’s behalf.  I think that a delayed response is useless.  An ineffective delayed approach was showcased in the recent suicide death of a young Korean entertainer who had received hateful comments for more than a year.  In a video published over the weekend of 19 October, the apparent response by Jennie’s management company appeared to treat her as a second class citizen, subject to different rules than the remaining members of Black Pink. She wasn’t allowed to ride in the same vehicle with the other members, allegedly for security reasons.  But as seen in the video, managers controlled who she talked to and walked with into the airport.  Whether intended or not, YG Entertainment’s response validates the words of the haters.  Bad optics…..

Other management companies in Korea have started tracking down offenders and bringing legal action against them. Let’s all hope that these actions are soon taken globally and the hate seen on social media becomes a thing of the past.  Now is the time for YG Entertainment to proactively protect their entertainers.  To do anything less will signify YG’s agreement with the comments.

Jennie has refused to respond to the haters.  She has gone about her work and behind the scenes acts of kindness with her head held high.    From my vantage point, this very kind young person merits my respect.  As a leader within my community and profession, I can learn a lot from Jennie’s situation and how best to help anyone who might become targets of hate on social media.  They deserve the very best I can do for them to protect them and pursue appropriate legal action against anyone who targets them for hate and malicious comments.  Those people I will be protecting will have no doubt that I hold each of them in very high regard.

 

Action needed, not just words

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I read an Internet article yesterday about the death of a former K-pop singer, Sulli.  My first thought was of her family and friends and the devastating sense of loss they must be feeling.  I wondered how such a talented young woman would come to think that the only solution to her mental anguish was to apparently take her own life.  How is it in today’s world, where we are supposedly so interconnected through social media, that a young person would come to feel so isolated and alone?  It appears to me that far too many people, young and old alike, come to believe that the ultimate solution to their pain becomes their only option.  We, as a society and global community, are diminished by that decision.  How can we turn this around?

For one thing, we need to have meaningful conversations with one another.  That means that the cell phones are put down and face to face conversations take place.  We need to be engaged with one another in discussing the things that matter most in our lives.  Old fashioned eye to eye conversation is needed in order to make that human connection that will mean so much to those involved.

Next, as a society and global community, we need to reassess our priorities.  Today’s technological world has the advantage of social media, but that advantage also carries some significant consequences.  Social media can and often does create an unrealistic standard of what we should look like, what to wear,  what to eat, who we should follow, etc., etc.    What’s missing in that approach?  I think what’s missing is the realization that each of us is unique and individual.  Because of the anonymity of the Internet, some folks believe that gives them license to point out other people’s imperfections, often in demeaning terms.  Instead of insulting one another over real or perceived imperfections, why aren’t we celebrating the fact that despite our individual differences, we humans have the heart and mind to come together as a family, group of friends, neighbors, colleagues, etc.  That coming together to solve common problems is, in my assessment, the avenue we must use in order to stop the sense of isolation which can lead some to believe that the world is better off without them.  Trust me, we aren’t.

Life Lessons = Karma?

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Many times we hear of someone receiving a life lesson and folks nod knowingly and murmur something about karma. From what I’ve gathered, karma is another way of talking about how things all seem to balance out, one way or the other.
In trying to understand why I get an occasional figurative smack to the back of my head – one as recently as Monday evening, I took a look at some things I learned when I first entered the military, affectionately known as the three truths in life. Trust me, the subtle filter is in place!
“Time will tell.” This is usually stated when someone questions whether a decision is the right one or not. Time will let us know whether we’ve made the right decision or whether we need to make an adjustment. A modified dose of karma?
“Some things in life will always smell, no matter what we do.” That science experiment in the office fridge, the dirty diaper filled just moments after the old diaper has been removed, the ‘green air’ emitted by our dog just as guests arrive for a formal dinner… You get the picture. Not sure any of these qualify as karma but it is one of life’s truths that some things really do stink. Feel free to make your own decision on this.
“Water will seek its own level.” I think that no matter what I do, things are going to even out at some point in time. And for me, this is where the concept of karma comes in. Water has a way of moving mountains and making its own way – just look at the Grand Canyon, for example. No matter what we do, water makes its way around and through the structures we might place in its path, often to our detriment. Karma? Probably.
So what has this got to do with problem solving? Sometimes, problems come about because we ignore the three truths in life and try to impose our own will, often to our detriment. Sometimes, we simply have to accept things for what they are and work as best we can with them. Taking that approach can be far less stressful than having to clean up the impact of karma and the life lesson we just had dumped into our lap.
Oh, and my most recent life lesson? Trying to rush the rehab on my left wrist. I thought I was finally ready to lift something that weighed about ten pounds. I was but my wrist wasn’t. I’m repainting the kitchen in a few weeks. Karma!

An Opportunity

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With the new year, we have an opportunity for a fresh start on any number of things – improving things within our organization, starting a new fitness plan, taking up a new hobby or refining one (shooting my age in golf is a dream), learning a new skill, etc.
As leaders within our organizations, we have an opportunity to ensure that all of the tools needed by our staff are now available. We can also, as an organization, provide help and support to any number of worthwhile victim advocacy agencies within our communities.
As members of our community, we can renew our efforts to make a positive change in the lives of children who are or have been in abusive or difficult situations. One thing that we can focus on is learning about the needs of organizations which help families which provide foster care or adopt these children.
Many of these organizations are nonprofit groups which provide a number of services such as counseling to all victims as well families, and providing information about available resources. Some of these organizations exist to increase public awareness and to provide education and training for other support groups, as well as members of the community. Victim advocates provide an important service of insuring that the needs of any victim are appropriately addressed in a timely manner. Advocates provide vital support to victims if a criminal prosecution occurs. These advocates stand by the victims throughout the entire process.
It is important for these agencies to know that they have the support of the surrounding community as they provide these vital services. So what can we do?
We can learn about what agencies and groups are available within our own communities. We can volunteer services or talents that we may have to help these agencies achieve their mission. We can help broadcast their important information to other members within our community. If we can seize this opportunity in this new year, we can make a positive difference in the lives of victims, especially the children.

Respect

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Respect (noun) – having a high regard for someone or something or having an admiration for another based upon their achievements, abilities, or personal qualities.
I think we can all agree that it appears that the concept of respect has become lost in the sauce. Respect means that we hold someone in high regard. Like kindness, respect is given with no strings attached. We are simply expressing our admiration for an individual, group, organization, etc. This admiration is based most often upon positive qualities.
I respect Christina Kim of the LPGA. Her professional career is not the stellar career of other professionals on the tour, but I hold her in very high regard because of her courage in dealing with a mental health issue that significantly impacted her professional golfing skills. She hid her pain of severe depression through humor and comedic antics on the course. I especially admire her courage in going public with her issue. And with karma being what it is, shortly after opening up to others about her issue, Christina earned a much deserved LPGA tour win.
I respect the thousands of victim advocates who work tirelessly on behalf of individuals who have become victims of criminal behavior. The professionalism and passion that these individuals show on a daily basis cannot be imagined until you see these individuals come together in a national symposium to recharge their batteries (so to speak), learn from one another, and constantly seek new and better ways to assist victims. It is through their dedication that victims understand and appreciate that they are valued as individuals.
I often wonder how much better our society would be if we all lowered the decibel level and showed more respect. In any disagreement, there is never an invitation to be disrespectful, hateful, or mean-spirited. There is nothing about the concept of respect that requires us to give it blindly. Simply stated, respect must be earned and once given to an individual, that individual must continue to uphold the same standards that earned our respect in the first place.

A New Approach?

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Have you ever had the experience of opening the fridge to the smell of some science experiment going really south on us and the smell is enough to knock an elephant off its feet at a distance of half a mile? Obviously, we can’t leave that until the weekend when we’d planned to clean the fridge, so we attend to it right there and then. But as we do so, we find still other problems living in our fridge. Now we do a thorough cleaning and a couple of hours later, our fridge is sparkling clean and a healthy place to once again store our perishables.
What if we treated issues within our organizations the same way we approached finding the source of the smell and fixing things so our fridge was again safe for food storage? Do we work to identify potential issues before they erupt? Or do we wait until the issue goes from a molehill to a mountain? Once an issue is identified, we must address it effectively so that it is completely resolved. We don’t simply address the symptom (yes, let’s throw out that bag of salad we were saving for lunch next week, only “next” week was actually last week and now it’s changing into a liquid version of itself. And oh, good grief! The bag is leaking all over the place!)
Getting to the source of the problem quickly and developing effective resolutions can prevent issues from developing that can consume all our time and energy – time and energy better spent on insuring quality productivity and customer service. Focusing on identifying the issue correctly also helps prevent us from addressing only the symptoms. Throwing away the outdated bag of salad addresses the symptom but doesn’t address the problem (we need to pay attention to what’s there and for how long.) Now off to organize the freezer…..

My, oh my!

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I got to people watch last week and I don’t think I’m going to surprise anyone by the following observation –

At first glance, there appears to be an increase in instances where coarseness and rudeness direct our everyday interactions with one another.   I watched a number of people in the airport push their way around the person in front of them.  Rather than wait for an opening in the oncoming crowd, these folks decided their journey was so important that they needed to rudely push their way past the obstacle they had determined was in their way.   I’ve seen the same behavior when driving.  I admit my temper almost got the best of me the other week when someone blasted past me on the interstate, driving on the shoulder and kicking up all kinds of gravel and debris. I now have a stone chip in my windshield that needs to be repaired.  Whoever it was got to squeeze in between the car ahead of me and my car.  I suppose he achieved his goal, whatever it was.

Being the eternal optimist that I am and believing that people are not generally rude or coarse for no reason,  I know that stories about people behaving badly get more air time and social media time than stories where everyday people are treating one another with kindness and respect.  The observation of people pushing past others in a mad rush to get out of the airport is offset by the more frequent observation of people taking their time, stopping to help someone obviously struggling with too much luggage, young children, and an airport that apparently has absorbed the entire population of the state of California squeezed into one terminal between Gates A6 and A17.  We need to continue to be kind.  It sets a wonderful example for others, especially our children.  I’ve faced rudeness and coarseness before.  For right now I’m going to continue to follow the philosophy of refusing to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed individual.  Helps keep my stress levels under control.