Communication

A “No Resolutions” Zone

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It’s that time of year again when tradition has us thinking about resolutions for the New Year. The only problem is that the vast majority of resolutions go by the wayside well before the first month of the year is over. So this year, I’m going to try something new. No resolution, just an adjustment to my life philosophy.
* Leave the negative stuff and people behind. Although it sounds easy enough, this can be very difficult, especially if one of the negative people is a member of the family, a supposedly close friend, or even a colleague or co-worker. Usually people who harbor anger, envy, or dislike for some imaginary reason, none of which we can control, will have their words and deeds be a complete mismatch. In my experience, I got a polite greeting to my face, but behavior that tried to anger or humiliate me. That’s when I remembered that their anger, envy, and hatred are their issues, not mine. Life’s complicated enough. Let’s leave that drama behind.
* Learn something new. This can be as simple as reading a new book, trying a new recipe, learning to play a new song on whatever instrument we play, or taking up a new hobby and becoming decent at it. Today’s technology now makes this relatively easy.
* Keep it simple. Life can get way over the top in complicated, if we let it. I have a finite number of brain neurons left and I’m going to continue to use them wisely. Life’s too short for complicated.
* Love honestly and deeply.
* Laugh with someone, not at them.
* Continue to be kind.

And every once in a while, I’m going to stop what I’m doing, go sit on my deck with Jake, and watch the cloud parade go by. It’s the simple things that help recharge my motivation.

Happy New Year, folks!

Blessings

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10 December 2019

Today was another flight back east and once again,the nonstop flight was pretty much uneventful until I got off the plane and stepped outside into a blast of cold – well below my mandatory requirement of at least 60 degrees. (It’s my dream, I know. But please humor me.) Oh, and the ever present moisture – rain this time, thankfully. I hate that frozen white stuff that falls from the sky. I spent the majority of my life dealing with that stuff so I figure I’ve earned a break from the cold, snow, and ice.
It’s a couple of weeks early but my life is full of blessings. My son, daughter-in-law, and my granddaughter rank first on that list. This Christmas should be joyful because my granddaughter is old enough now to realize that this time of year is very special. Lots of good memories to be had, I think.
My family is a blessing all year round. This year, we supported one sister as she bested cancer so far. Her diagnosis was a wake up call for all of us to keep up with routine exams and tests. The best part is that I realized the importance of letting each of my family members and my friends know how much I love and appreciate them.
The Jake Meister. What more can I say about this extraordinary pup. He’s now retired from therapy work but does occasionally like to go visit some master’s degree students to help them see how a therapy dog can help in a counseling setting. His good days are treasured by me. But I’m also aware of his not so good days which are increasing. I think those days make me appreciate this pup all the more and the wonderful vet who is helping Jake fulfill his life as comfortably as possible.
Why this train of thought? I realized many years ago that focusing on the blessings helps me balance stuff when not so good things happen. Having that balance also helps me maintain a good perspective.
If I were to share any wish as the Christmas holiday approaches, I would wish each and every one of you is blessed with balance in your lives, an appreciation for the wonder and excitement we see in a child’s eyes, and the true blessing of this holiday season.
Merry Christmas.

Bad Optics

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When Kindness and Respect Really Matter

Any time anyone  is targeted for hate on social media and elsewhere, we all should realize that a hateful word is like throwing a pebble into a pool of water.  There are ripple effects that none of us can begin to imagine but which can lead to a devastating act by the targets of that hate, leaving family and friends to grapple with a tremendous burden of grief that lasts a lifetime.

Case in point: One kind person who has been targeted for hate comments is Jennie Kim of the group, “Black Pink.”  For those who’ve read our recent postings, you’ll recognize her name from our posting about the hatred that spewed forth because of her obvious struggle to deal with the panic of an apparently overwhelming crowd closing in on her, as seen in the published videos.  I’ve since learned that she has been targeted with some of the crudest expressions of hate for quite some time.

What’s troubling is that I could find no effort by anyone associated with her management company to speak up on Jennie’s behalf.  I think that a delayed response is useless.  An ineffective delayed approach was showcased in the recent suicide death of a young Korean entertainer who had received hateful comments for more than a year.  In a video published over the weekend of 19 October, the apparent response by Jennie’s management company appeared to treat her as a second class citizen, subject to different rules than the remaining members of Black Pink. She wasn’t allowed to ride in the same vehicle with the other members, allegedly for security reasons.  But as seen in the video, managers controlled who she talked to and walked with into the airport.  Whether intended or not, YG Entertainment’s response validates the words of the haters.  Bad optics…..

Other management companies in Korea have started tracking down offenders and bringing legal action against them. Let’s all hope that these actions are soon taken globally and the hate seen on social media becomes a thing of the past.  Now is the time for YG Entertainment to proactively protect their entertainers.  To do anything less will signify YG’s agreement with the comments.

Jennie has refused to respond to the haters.  She has gone about her work and behind the scenes acts of kindness with her head held high.    From my vantage point, this very kind young person merits my respect.  As a leader within my community and profession, I can learn a lot from Jennie’s situation and how best to help anyone who might become targets of hate on social media.  They deserve the very best I can do for them to protect them and pursue appropriate legal action against anyone who targets them for hate and malicious comments.  Those people I will be protecting will have no doubt that I hold each of them in very high regard.

 

Action needed, not just words

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I read an Internet article yesterday about the death of a former K-pop singer, Sulli.  My first thought was of her family and friends and the devastating sense of loss they must be feeling.  I wondered how such a talented young woman would come to think that the only solution to her mental anguish was to apparently take her own life.  How is it in today’s world, where we are supposedly so interconnected through social media, that a young person would come to feel so isolated and alone?  It appears to me that far too many people, young and old alike, come to believe that the ultimate solution to their pain becomes their only option.  We, as a society and global community, are diminished by that decision.  How can we turn this around?

For one thing, we need to have meaningful conversations with one another.  That means that the cell phones are put down and face to face conversations take place.  We need to be engaged with one another in discussing the things that matter most in our lives.  Old fashioned eye to eye conversation is needed in order to make that human connection that will mean so much to those involved.

Next, as a society and global community, we need to reassess our priorities.  Today’s technological world has the advantage of social media, but that advantage also carries some significant consequences.  Social media can and often does create an unrealistic standard of what we should look like, what to wear,  what to eat, who we should follow, etc., etc.    What’s missing in that approach?  I think what’s missing is the realization that each of us is unique and individual.  Because of the anonymity of the Internet, some folks believe that gives them license to point out other people’s imperfections, often in demeaning terms.  Instead of insulting one another over real or perceived imperfections, why aren’t we celebrating the fact that despite our individual differences, we humans have the heart and mind to come together as a family, group of friends, neighbors, colleagues, etc.  That coming together to solve common problems is, in my assessment, the avenue we must use in order to stop the sense of isolation which can lead some to believe that the world is better off without them.  Trust me, we aren’t.

Finding Peace of Mind

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The hard decision has been made and some final goodbyes have been completed. With the help of a totally wonderful vet, both Bailey and Elliot are comfortable for the time being. But we know that the time we have left with them is very short indeed. Some peace of mind was given to me by our vet when she pointed out that I have been able to give Elliot over four more years than his previous owners were willing to give him. For the last four plus years, she noted that he’s been loved, cuddled, cared for, and wanted more than he ever knew before we rescued him. Bailey also came to us from a bad situation but with the help of both Jessie and Jake, she learned that she was loved again. Peace of mind for Bailey and Elliot will come the moment they reach that very special place where all dogs go. Peace of mind for me will be a bit slower in coming but the knowledge that I was blessed with two more extraordinary pups will help.
The words of kindness and support to our most recent posting have also been very helpful. That gives me the hope that the evil we hear, see, and read about virtually all the time is not an accurate reflection of the truly kind and caring hearts which abound in our world. Strangers are so willing to offer a kind word, a show of support, a path to peace of mind… To my way of thinking, the world is populated with far more good and kindhearted people than it is with evildoers. We just need to shift our focus and attention to those positive role models. They’re all around us, both in human and canine form. Thanks to all of you who shared your kindness. It is very much appreciated.

Kindness

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Kindness (noun): Having the quality of being considerate, generous, and/or friendly.
Acting with kindness requires very little effort on the part of the giver. At one point in time, it was a gift that was given abundantly, with no strings attached. When shared, it is the gift that keeps on giving. Being on the receiving end of an act of kindness can make a person’s life so much better. In turn, that person may want to share the kindness with others. That’s what used to happen and no one thought anything wrong with sharing kindnesses. However, in today’s world and social media, not so much.
The anonymity of the Internet allows folks to broadcast hurtful, unkind, malicious, and false statements with no fear of being caught and held accountable. Regardless of intent or agenda, there is really no place in our lives for hatred and unkind behavior. Choosing to be kind can make such a positive difference to our workplaces and in the lives of our family and friends.
Contrary to what some might have us believe, being kind to someone is not a weakness. In fact, we need to realize and appreciate the strength of character it takes to be kind, especially when confronting hatred or unrelenting division. In the name of all that is decent, we must hold ourselves and one another accountable so that in our time, hatred and unkind behavior can once and for all be eliminated, replaced by the uncompromising generosity of kindness.

Cotton Candy or Substance?

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The ongoing debate about any topic you might want to select from the news these days has reached a new standard, in my assessment of, “are you kidding me?” I don’t doubt for a moment that the people involved think they’re making sense but they’re not making their arguments clearly or logically. In many instances, the “debate” has been reduced to an emotional display of nothing more than name calling. So what has this got to do with leadership within our organizations or even more importantly, our goal of protecting victims within our society? A whole lot, if we stop to think about it.
If the goal is to get changes made to existing laws to better protect victims but our arguments for doing so are confused and illogical, those who don’t want to make the changes will be able to derail the goal. The same is true for making changes within organizations.
On the other hand, if the arguments for making changes to the laws are well reasoned, logical, and based on verified facts, those individuals who oppose the goal will be less able to undermine it. Again, the same is true for an organization seeking to make changes in process, policies, procedures, etc.
It’s important to remember that it’s not about how something appears. Rather, it is the underlying foundation upon which the goal is based. Base the goal figuratively on cotton candy, and the first hint of any moisture will melt the foundation in a New York second. Base the goal on a solid foundation of reason and verified fact, and no amount of argument will undermine it.

Persistence

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With no subtle filter in place, so far this month has been the “May from Hell.” One of my pups had surgery in late April to address a year old spider bite which had never fully healed. Thank goodness for that because during the surgery the vet discovered a completely encapsulated mass. Had the bite healed properly, we would have discovered this mass probably too late to effectively address it. Now comes the hellish part.
An infection unrelated to the surgery accomplished the removal process of the sutures by literally blowing out the incision just two days before the sutures were to be removed.
Both she and I are blessed that her vet team was/is determined to get her through this. Tests, cultures, exams, etc. have all been done and no satisfactory answer for the source or cause of the infection has been found. Thankfully, her vets won’t give up until my pup is healed and restored to good health. Gotta love persistence.
Wouldn’t it be great if our leaders and managers were just as persistent in finding practical and realistic solutions to the problems facing them? Instead of going for the easy fix, wasting time, money, and human resources, leaders and managers need to buckle down and do the hard work. What is the correct source of the problem? Exactly what is the problem? How can we find the best solutions to resolving this problem? (HINT: It’s not about imposing a solution to address the symptoms – it’s about getting the best people together to correctly identify the problem and work out possible resolutions.) How do we communicate the issue to our organization factually and accurately? Persistence, that’s how. Long hard work that’s firm in its dedication to solving the problem.

Barbara Bush

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It is with sadness that I read the news of the passing of former First Lady Barbara Bush. My prayers and deepest condolences are offered to her family and friends.
In all candor I feel a heavy sense of loss. I never had the honor of meeting Mrs. Bush in person but I was impressed by her public grace under fire, her ability to cut quickly through the fluff and get to the substance of an issue, and her devotion to and practice of her core principles. She was a mother lion when it came to her family and was never shy about letting folks know that in public and political debate, talk truthfully and respectfully about her family members – or suffer her wrath. Nothing wrong with that, in my view.
Whether you agree with her political views is totally irrelevant. She was and will remain a positive role model. I am very sure that Mrs. Bush had such a command of the English language that she could verbally cut people off at the knees if she disagreed with them. But she apparently followed a very simple principle – just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. She was gracious even with those who disagreed with her in the nastiest of terms and behavior. While she may have suffered terribly in private, she remained calm and polite in public. That opened the way to honest and productive dialog. For me, that will be, among other things, Barbara Bush’s greatest legacy. I sense that she was honest with herself and with others. Her integrity was without question. She especially found ways to let folks know that we have so much more in common than we do different, and if we tone down the decibel level, it’s amazing what we can accomplish. We are a better society in many ways because of her unfailing belief that working together, we can solve many of the issues which bedevil our nation. Rest In Peace, Barbara Bush, and thank you.

Problem Solving – The “Whack A Mole”© Method

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Ever watch young kids try the arcade game where they hammer the moles into oblivion? As the game progresses, they hammer the moles harder and harder. The older kids quickly realize that no matter how hard they hit the moles, another one is going to pop up. They generally walk away, refusing to play anymore. Ahem, leaders and supervisors – a lesson to take to heart?

Simply addressing the symptoms of an issue within your organization is not going to result in any meaningful solution to your problems. And if you keep doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome, you’ve just succeeded in demonstrating Einstein’s definition of insanity.

A key component to problem solving is the correct and accurate identification of the cause of the problem. But I think that’s the issue. Identification of the underlying issue seems so simple at first. When the identification doesn’t come easily, the tendency is to revert to looking at the symptoms because they’re more obvious and easier to address. Address the symptom, hammer another mole and problem solved. NO! Symptom addressed.

Here’s a practical suggestion: Put the hammer down. Sit down, take a deep breath, and get a plan together. Put together a quality work team to begin the problem solving stage. Talk with AND LISTEN to the people involved in the problem situation and those who have experience handling such issues. After collecting information, work together to develop quality responses. Communicate with the people involved in the situation, as well as the entire organization. Decide on your best solution and implement it. Use the evaluation phase to assess how well the solution is working. If it’s working, great! If not, make the necessary changes to either fix the implemented solution or toss it out and implement one of the other solutions developed previously. It’s hard work but worth the effort. And if you want to pick up the hammer and whack something, take your kids to the arcade and see how many moles you can whack.